suck harder.
a fish, a barrel, and a smoking rejection.
for 5 May 1997. Updated WHENEVER we get a submission.

the fish
The Prophet Motive


Do we need any more proof that web

maintenance is a bitch?


As home-based Internet developers,

we're all killing ourselves trying

to make a buck in a dreg-eat-dreg

marketplace. The days of the easily

confused decision-maker are over,

and most of the show-me-the-money

sites launched before our time.


Faced with this new reality, is

it any wonder some of our

colleagues have chosen the UFO over

the IPO?


The staff of Higher Source picked

prophet over profit this week, and

the loudest voices of the Internot

blame the expected suspects:

spacemen, the approach of

Hale-Bopp, the coming millenium and

gangsta rap.


Talented young computer

programmers, with haircuts and

lifestyle choices straight out of

an EDS training film, stage their

own remake of Cocoon with

themselves in the endearing Wilford

Brimley role. They recast

unnaturally paternal Brian Dennehy

with their own personal Jesus, then

add a wry '90s touch by drinking a

pre-flight cocktail of vodka and



It makes for a nice movie, complete

with product placement for Nike. In

the police videotapes at the

company mansion, prominent are the

new sneakers worn by each employee

with the familiar swoosh logo, its

quiet encouragement to "just do it"

never more painfully chic.


Considering the company's current

campaign, one wonders whether any

of the Nike-shorn cult members knew

they were Tiger Woods.


Perhaps the saddest element of any

mass suicide is sizing up the

departed and realizing that you

have more reason to be heading for

the exit than they do. The group

openly blabbed about interplanetary

travel and the belief that bodies

are big Ziploc bags for the soul.

Regardless, this didn't stop Higher

Source from bringing in enough

California business to plunk down

10 grand a month on their digs in

affluent Rancho Santa Fe.


Rubbing elbows with previously

interesting digerati, the staff of

Higher Source frolicked in an

environment that breeds senators,

Kennedy spouses and the occasional

Menendez brother. Their idea of a

polo game didn't involve the

shouting out of "Marco" beforehand.


Looking at the body of Higher

Source's client work, their Print

Screen key must have been worn out

by the numerous image-poaching

trips to Doctor Who fan pages.

Their designers belong to the

GeoCities school of design.


However, if they were drawing any

kind of maintenance fees from their

clients, Higher Source had better

long-term prospects than America



As the media runs down the list of

Who's Who in Messianic Web

Development Death Cults, those of

us left behind in the site

construction field have more

pressing concerns. This week's

events mean there are at least five

companies looking for new web

developers with neither strongly

held beliefs nor a rigid value



That shouldn't be a problem.

courtesy of CGI Joe

the barrel

the gun