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82. Since Wired has already has a pair of search engines, why not build a browser? Since Joe Briefcase never changes his default homepage, Netscape-like hits are only a few million dollars in R&D away!
83. Why would anyone WANT to save Wired?
84. Spray LSD on the back cover.
85. Wired continues to be the most accurate roadmap for the emerging digital landscape, blazing the trail through an erupting future at the dawn of a new millennium. If Wired failed to exist, it would be necessary for Time-Warner to reinvent it.
86. Less cool. More real.
87. If you're pandering to the male demographic, why not go all the way: every February, publish the Wired swimsuit edition.
88. Piggyback on Apple's search for a new CEO. You're using the same executive recruiting firm, and you could share job descriptions: "Your workplace: a cultish, zeitgeist-defining startup. Your boss: the mercurial founder. Your job: convince Wall Street that capitalism is part of the corporate culture."
89. Follow Suck's advice and have Wired News live up to its name. How can you go on letting the ever-expanding hordes of Wired-bashers launch careers with Wired-bashing books, parodies and web sites? Why let all these clowns capitalize on the brand you busted butt to create? No, beat them at their own game. Be the first with news of who's in and who's out at Wired HQ, whose contracts have been broken, which Wired Ventures projects have been cut or allowed to whimper to a slow death. Because people care a lot more about that sort of trivia than they do for your ideas. Besides, if we want news and commentary on this industry, there's always News.com.
90. Launch "Orson." The parenting magazine for digital revolutionaries getting on in years.
91. Launch "Confessed Sins of the Digerati." We've already secured www.csotd.com for you.