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17. Get religion. Launch "The First Church of Wired," a spiritual community with both a digital gathering space and physical franchises in major metropolitan/suburban areas around the world (especially those with fiber optic networks and/or recent interactive TV trials). Seriously, churches have some of the most loyal followings and fattest coffers in the land. People feel good about belonging to a church. They look to it for guidance, fellowship, and hope -- the same things that many Usenet posters and chat addicts are seeking online. And because the church forms the spiritual/moral core for their lives, they'll happily bail it out of any financial woes it may encounter. Churches are amazing for their viral properties, too: no matter how unlikely the premise, somebody out there is willing to believe and conform to the views the parasit- um, I mean "pastor" puts forth. And the virus is replicated ad infinitum. Come to think of it, isn't this what Wired already is? They might as well just come forward and claim the tax-free status. Plus, think of how beautiful a WiredChurchTM franchise would look! With Plunkett + Kuhr designing the space, it would be stunning, and just different enough from other churches to make a few nonbelievers really angry (just like the magazine!) -- bonus negative PR!

18. On the flip side of that coin, open Wired University. Same premise as above, except priests are replaced with professors and the audience demo is shifted slightly (more frat boys, fewer middle-aged upper management types -- offspring of current Wired subscribers will be considered "legacy" admissions and thus are automatically accepted). Possible majors include: bionomics, digi-economics, techno-economics, eco-economics, Rossettonomics, jargonomics (note to self: send that in to Jargon Watch!), cybersocial dynamics, IPOing, entrepreneurial studies, and snotty writing.

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