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28. Stop blinding (and therefore losing) readers with the cornea-damaging neon-on-neon color scheme. Legible type will most likely translate into more people reading the magazine. And more people reading the magazine will most likely translate into more revenues.

29. Scratch 'n' sniff articles.

30. Face reality: libertarians are a niche market.

31. Hire some industrial designers and use your existing talent to begin a new division: consulting on design and marketing of aesthetically appealing versions of consumer technology products for existing technology companies who only know about shades of gray.

32. Realize that women make most home technology purchasing decisions.

33. Wired has yet to do what any self-respecting con artist does to save a sinking ship: pull a stunt as outrageous as it is illegal. Do you need to convince your advertisers you can get through to people? I've got one word for you: SPAM. Or get some |<-R4|> hacker D00dz to help you send an ASCII art masterpiece to every pager in the US. Or a prerecorded message with the aural equivalent of your graphic design to every cellphone in the US. Look, everyone already hates you -- the only way out is more.

34. Java. It can fix anything.

35. Start packaging secret decoder rings with magazine.

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