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Rainy Day Fun and Games for Toddler and Total Bastard
Mar 26, 2002 :: Greg Knauss

Hello, and welcome to the second stop on the "Rainy Day Fun and Games for Toddler and Total Bastard" virtual book tour, the virtual book tour your mother warned you about. My name's Greg Knauss and after a complex, week-long series of negotiations, I've had Michael bound with duct tape and shipped to Scottsdale, Arizona for the day, so that I can use the Web's preeminent source for technology and business commentary to hawk my tawdry little embarrassment.

"Rainy Day Fun and Games for Toddler and Total Bastard" -- available now from So New Media -- is the tender, heart-warming story of a criminally inept father and the emotional damage he wreaks on his sons. It has been widely praised by people only marginally related to me, invited comparisons to "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" in that the titles have several letters in common, and is currently being used by the Bush Administration to promote abstinence.

In keeping with the theme of Stating the Obvious -- "We're so meta we could just pee" -- instead of talking about the book itself, I'd like to talk about me talking about the book:

After "Rainy Day" was released, I sat down with my eldest son, to explain to him that he would have something to use in court when he decided to sue me.

"I wrote a book, Tom, about you, and Mike and Pete."

"What book?"

"A book about you. I can't tell you the title, though, because Mommy would get mad."

"Where is it?"

"Right here. Do you want to read?"


"Where are you going?"

"Me get 'Curious George.'"

Ha ha! Kids! They're so adorable! And often don't bother to read a day's talking points memo. Message, people! We've got to stay on message!

Before we get to the question and answer session, I'd like to invite anybody with more disk space than sense to sign up to join the throbbing, engorged metaphor that is the "Rainy Day Fun and Games for Toddler and Total Bastard" virtual book tour. Just send mail to greg at eod dot com and you, too, can find your name on a list of weblog authors who desperately wanted to take a day off. Now, the Q&A:

Simon Wheatley asks: I'm in the UK and it occurs to me that this book may be just the present for a newly be-fathered father that I know. Can I get it in the UK?

Absolutely! Just click the "International Shipping" box on the So New Media site when you order and they'll take care of the rest, including factoring in the extra postage, EU VAT, the Wigglesworth-Nubbins tax and an extra three pence on the bobby, wot, eh. Hurry! Before the U.S. classifies the book as "munitions."

From Adam Rakunas: What do I have to do to get my copy autographed? I mean, I've been standing in line for the past nine hours in the freezing rain, waiting for an autograph, until someone told me that I was standing at a bus stop. And then asked me for spare change.

I suspect you could get the book autographed right there at the bus stop. If you want my autograph, though, e-mail your address to greg at eod dot com and I'll send you a Post-It with my signature, so you can paste it in the front of the book. Or in the front of a better book -- "Cryptonomicon," for instance. I wish I'd written that.

Thanks for the questions! Tomorrow, the "Rainy Day Fun and Games for Toddler and Total Bastard" virtual book tour -- and you can't imagine how sick I am of typing that -- heads to A Jaundiced Eye. See you there!

Stating the Obvious will now return to its rigorous publishing schedule.



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